Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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