Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
