would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
