I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
