it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
