I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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