At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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