I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize