he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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