He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
