EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
