I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize