The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Boobs speak an international language.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
