WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
