he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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