There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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