I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
