so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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