Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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