Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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