her vagine was all disorganized.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize