Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
