GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
