I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
