Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It was confusing and full of hummus
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
