You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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