Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
