she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
