Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
