They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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