I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
