He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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