listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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