Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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