can we get nightvision for the apartment?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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