Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
