I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
