I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
