I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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