All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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