It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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