the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
