And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
