Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
