I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
