Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
