I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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