My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I believe in your delicious
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
