I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
