My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
