You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
