When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize