if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
