We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
