We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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