I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Houston, we have a blender
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
