saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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