I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
