just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
