paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
