Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize