Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he puts the penis in happiness.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
