and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
