Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Where is the hickey?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
